Anonymous Post.

This story was sent to us.  The person sharing it wishes to be kept anonymous but hopes that this story can help someone else share their own story. Please no judgment.  Thank you!


Ok, it's really hard for me to open up and tell people my problems, but I'll just start from the beginning.... Up until 15 I was spoiled, I had everything, until my parents decided to get divorced. My world came to a stop. Worse, as the years went on it was brutal, my parents came to despise each other, we lost our house, our family, everything. Believe it or not, the easiest part of the whole mess was when I realized my father left because he was gay. However, it wasn't for my mother. Living in our apartment together started to wear us both down. We lost any relationship we had together, there was blame, resentment, no understanding, no compassion. It was my "teenage years with mom" x10. She would call the the police on me for doing the dishes late at night, the apartment was a disaster, I never wanted to be home. In the beginning, I would go out with boys, I wasn't a "slut", I didn't sleep around, I guess that was the problem. When I was 16 I was sexually and emotionally abused by my "boyfriend", I've never told anyone this, it was so damaging to my mentality, my strength, I just wanted to be cared for, as we all do. I don't want to be judged, I didn't at the time either but he made me do things that I think about now and get repulsed at the thought. After that I was scared to 'date'.... of men in general. I couldn't understand how my mom and now my dad, could be with such a terrifying, controlling gender. I started to focus all my energy on work. I picked up 2 jobs first year of college and went to school full time with the hopes to move out. By 20 I was out in my own place trying to support myself. I felt guilty for leaving my mom, after all awful words and names were exchanged, hating her for not understanding, I still love my mom...and my dad...College was a blur it was just working to try to pay rent and bare minimal grades. I tried, I did, but like everything else it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for mom, for dad, for anyone. My depression and anxiety isn't "typical" I don't wear black, I don't shut myself out. My anxiety isn't fear of people, and social encounters, it's the opposite. I enjoy making people laugh, feeling like people are there, like I have a lot of friends, my anxiety stems from people leaving me, feeling alone, not being good enough. I'm anything but a typical post on here but I hope someone will understand where I come from. I'm sick of everyone giving me the it'll be ok, I want someone, like me, to tell me they made it and they're finally able to be proud of themselves, like I want to be.